I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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