dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
