I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
