I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
