Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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