Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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