she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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