i love accidental penises.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
