It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
