don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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