is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck me I smell like cheese
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
