There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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