walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
