And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
