Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
