His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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