Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
