i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
