My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
