I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize