I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
