i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
