those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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