Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
