he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
