Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
