There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
