So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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