She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
