There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
