I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
