like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
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Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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