He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
