the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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