Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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