y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
