complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
