what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
