Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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