So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize