don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
