I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
