I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
