Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
