I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
