I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
