She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
