that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
