Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize