Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
