4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
