Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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