Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
