i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
