Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
