Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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