Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
