Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
