Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
