I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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