Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
