Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
