I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
