Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love you.
Bad choice
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