She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
