My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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