I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
