you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
