You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
