thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
