If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
