i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
