So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
