when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
