thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this boner is exhausting
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
