Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
