Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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