operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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