Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them

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(269): View more from Michigan

I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car

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(503): View more from Oregon

Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights

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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"

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(817): View more from Texas

So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me

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