Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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