Don't you send me to vm
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
