Don't make out with my wife yet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
